Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
