so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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