I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
