my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
