do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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