is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
