made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
