He is such a slut. More and more my type.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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