I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I love you. Go after that dick
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
