jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
