a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
