no, he came in my armpit
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
