Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
