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Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
where am i from again
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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