You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
