Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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