I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
