I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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