I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
