my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
