I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
