In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
