Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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