he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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