We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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