Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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