how hairy? two words: wookie tits
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
