Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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