well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
