Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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