Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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