I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
