I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
