question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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