Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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