I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
