Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
