return my video game
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
