kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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