I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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