Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
