How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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