We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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