No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
