normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
