i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
