I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
