6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if only i could text you this smell
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
