I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
