my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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