like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
third nipple confirmed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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